Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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