Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
