I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found puke in my bra..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
