youre lurking in front of me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
