Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
