just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
