woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
