Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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