My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
