So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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