dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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