I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize