Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
