What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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