and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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