So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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