I'm lost and stupid without you.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
