i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
