He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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