Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
