Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
