you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
