Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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