I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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