So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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