I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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