dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
