He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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