Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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