I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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