is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
