I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
