I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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