I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
