Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
