no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
