oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
