I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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