You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
