I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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