I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
