dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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