2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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