Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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