Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
