Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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