I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
