Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
