I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
