Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
