I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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