If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
