I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
