Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
