i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
