For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
