We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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