Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
