There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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