You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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