Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
