i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
