I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
