I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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