Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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