i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
