i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
