Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
