what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
