never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
