i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
