That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
