just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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