Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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