Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
