I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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