that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
