I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
