I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
