beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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